Do You Feel Lost in Motherhood?

Feeling Lost in motherhood is that feeling of loneliness and lack of direction in your life as a mother. If you’re an overwhelmed Catholic mom, I think this might help.

The Heavy Feeling of Being Lost as a Mom

I know the feeling all too well. You wake up and don’t have a clear picture of what you should be doing. The feeling of dread at the start of the day – (cue the brain fog). You have no real rhyme or rhythm to your daily decisions regarding yourself or your family.

This was me for a long time, a lost Catholic mom.
Lost in Survival Mode, Lost in Motherhood.

I woke up feeling lost, and unsure of what was truly important to me.

Stuck in Survival Mode.

I didn’t even know who I was or what I valued, therefore I was continually living a life that did not align with the wife, woman and mother that I wanted to be.

I was constantly lost in motherhood, not in a physical sense, but in a spiritual and mental sense.

From Survival Mode to Spiritual Renewal

 Deep within me there was a burning desire to change. That somehow, I could stop surviving and bring direction to my life.

A couple of years back, I read the book “A Mother’s Rule of Life: How to Bring Order to Your Home and Peace to Your Soul” by author Holly Pierlot.

She first introduced me to the concept of a rule of life.

A rule of life is in its most basic sense a commitment to live a certain way in your daily life.

This entails routines, rhythms and guidelines that we set for ourselves, to help us live in a particular way that aligns with our values. This is mostly used in monasteries, wherein they live by a set of rules that dictate the ways in which they progress towards holiness and sanctity. Often this rule of life designates what they do or don’t do on any given day.

Now, I know, I know, many of us have an aversion to structure, we cringe at the thought of  a routine but hear me out.

Can the feelings of being lost be attributed to the lack of discipline in our lives? To the lack of introspection and commitment? When you have no direction, how do you know where to go, where you are going, or where you even want to go?

As human beings with an inclination to sin, we easily fall into vices that bring us away from our God given call. We easily fall into distraction, sloth, sadness, impatience, etc.

Author Holly Pierlot’s book provides insights on how to apply the principles used in monasteries and teaches you how to transfer that into the life of motherhood.

When I read this book, it opened up to me the idea of creating routines and rhythms in my own personal life as a mother. It became a matter, not of changing the physical structure of my days, but of the renewal of my mind. I needed clarity. I needed to cut through the brain fog and shine a light into the undisciplined chaos of my mind, in order to see what was truly in there and what I truly valued and wanted.

“For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do.” – Romans 7:19

How many times have we done not the good that we want to do, but the evil that we do not want to do. I believe that this is due in part to a lack of clarity, understanding, and direction to our lives.

(Now I do understand that for some women there are other very real factors at play that prevent clarity of thinking and lack of action, also not to mention, the Evil One and his desire to destroy mothers and women in general.)

But here’s the thing …

When we allow ourselves to continually make sin a habit in our lives, we allow a disease to grow within us that is not physical, but spiritual, and this translates into our minds and actions.

So, here’s my humble advice if I may … it is what I did and helped me find a clearer direction to my life as a wife, mother, woman, and daughter of God

How to Create Your Own Rule of Life as a Catholic Mom

1). Open a Notebook and Write Freely

I opened a notebook and just began by writing down everything that I felt was important to me as a mother and as a woman. My spiritual beliefs, my goals, my desires and my fears were all included. I let it all flow right out of me leaving judgment at the door.

Get to know myself.

 Isn’t that an interesting concept? How many of us would think, I already know myself, after all, I am MY SELF! On a deeper level though, we often self soothe and distract so that we don’t have to face that uncertainty and discomfort of actually having to get to know ourselves. We fear that the way we are living our lives and the choices we are making are not truly aligning with who we really are, because we refuse to sit with ourselves and give ourselves the time of day.

So sit with yourself and get to know yourself. Clarity brings purpose and faces you with the challenge of change.

2). Categorize and Sort Your Thoughts

From there I divided similar thoughts, goals, desires with each other to begin to get a clearer picture of what I wanted, who I was and what was truly important to me.

3). Challenge the Lies with Truth

Then after I did that, I replaced truths next to my fears to challenge those destructive thought patterns.

4). Identify Priorities

As I went through this exercise, I began to identify my priorities in life and began to list them clearly under that column. I divided into subcategories, all my priorities that had to do with my faith, my family, and my own personal priorities.

5). List Unshakeable Truths and Facts

I created a section labeled Truths and Facts. These were things that were undeniably true, for example, “I am commanded to love and obey God above all things.” I stated various unshakeable truths of this nature to help keep me grounded and prevent the weeds of selfishness and deceit from coming up.

6). Make Declarations Rooted in Faith

I made declarations over my life to filter out lies that I had believed.  For example, “I can have peace where I am, and stop searching for things outside of God.” Or “What I need is the Lord God Jesus Christ.

These were essential to remind me of truths that we often forget in the craziness of our daily lives. That get swallowed up in the noise.

7). Be Honest About Traps to Avoid

I created a cautionary section for myself, a “Things to Avoid” section, where I outlined my common pitfalls and reminded myself that these were traps that led me down a bad path. These would lead me astray again and lead me to feeling lost.

8). Set Clear, God-Centered Goals

I set a specific goal section for myself, for my family, and my marriage.

9). Create Your Catholic Rule of Life

Lastly, I went on to the Rule of Life. Considering all the things I had outlined, my goals, my weaknesses, my priorities. I created sub sections regarding sanctity, marriage, family, etc. and wrote in clear sentences what I would do to increase in that area of my life. These were “I will” sentences and I set specific time frames for when these things would happen or when they would be completed.

10). Choose a Simple Ejaculatory Prayer

I ended this document with an ejaculatory prayer that I would say throughout my days that would bring me comfort and aid when things got difficult.

And then I promised myself I would read it every day in the mornings to remind myself of who I am and where I am going.

How often do you feel lost in motherhood? Do you think that creating something like this could help you in your life? To help you feel a little less lost and a little more clear.